Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!
9:23 pm
Fri August 3, 2012

Bluff The Listener

Originally published on Sat August 4, 2012 10:36 am

Transcript

CARL KASELL: From NPR and WBEZ-Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME, the NPR News quiz. I'm Carl Kasell. We're playing this week with Charlie Pierce, Adam Felber and Paula Pell. And here again is your host, at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Thank you, Carl.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thank you so much. Right now, it's time - thank you - for the WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME Bluff the Listener game. Call 1-888-Wait-Wait to play our game on the air. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME.

JEANETTE ARPAGAUS: Hi, this is Jeanette Arpagaus from San Francisco.

SAGAL: Hey, how are things in San Francisco?

ARPAGAUS: Pretty nice.

SAGAL: I mean, San Francisco is such a great place for leisure time. What do you do there for fun?

ARPAGAUS: Oh, just walks and discovering the city. I mean, I just discover something every week, and I've been here for 20 years.

SAGAL: Yeah.

ARPAGAUS: It's just a beautiful city.

SAGAL: Have you noticed there are a lot of hills there?

ARPAGAUS: Yes, I noticed.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: OK. Nice to have you with us, Jeanette. You are going to play the game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Carl, what is Jeanette's topic?

KASELL: How about a genuine Michael Phelps bath toy?

ARPAGAUS: OK.

SAGAL: The International Olympic Committee is notoriously strict about just who gets to use the official Olympic logo, do Olympic merchandise. So, in order to show their support for the games and make some money, businesses have to get creative. This week, our panelists are going to tell you about three unauthorized Olympic tie-ins. Guess the real story; you'll win Carl's voice on your voicemail or answering machine. Ready to play?

ARPAGAUS: Yes.

SAGAL: First, let's hear from Adam Felber.

ADAM FELBER: It's right outside the gates of the Olympic village where you can see and hear the biggest athletes, or at least their effigies. That's right, talking jocks. Plush, miniaturized renditions of Olympic stars that utter catch phrases when squeezed are the off market sensation of the games.

Birmingham-born Nolan Gasser created the dolls to be easily customized and the voices to be inserted at the last minute. So you can purchase up to the second satirical souvenirs. 16-year-old Chinese women's swimming sensation Ye Shiwen for instance, merely utters a masculine roar, which is perhaps explained by the toy hypodermic needle protruding from her backside.

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: You can also purchase a badminton player who, when prompted, titters "oh well, you win."

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: There's a generic women's gymnast who begs her parents to let her stop practicing and has the distinction of being the only doll that is nearly actual size.

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: But nobody got off worse than American swimmer Ryan Lochte, who when squeezed doesn't speak but instead makes a distinct choking sound.

(SOUNDBITE OF BOOING)

SAGAL: Oh. Unauthorized dolls of the athletes...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...that are up to date with their talking. Your next story of an Olympic tie-in comes from Charlie Pierce.

CHARLIE PIERCE: As a specialty brew, aimed at capitalizing on the Olympic marketing extravaganza, the folks at the Brew Dog Brewery in Scotland have put together the one beer to have if you're planning to throw a semi over a building.

"Never mind the anabolics," a title guaranteed not to draw the attention of anyone in the anti-doping community, is a craft brew that contains creatine, lychee berries, cola nut, ginko, maca powder and good old basic steroids for that one of a kind flavor.

(LAUGHTER)

PIERCE: Ever wanted a tall, cool glad of something that tastes like the top shelf at your local GNC outlet? Pick up a six pack today and then pick up the truck it came in.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Steroidal beer from Scotland, with all those banned substances that you can't have at the Olympics and your last story of an unauthorized tribute to the Olympics comes from Paula Pell.

PAULA PELL: Deep in the Cotswolds, 72-year-old conjoined twins Richard and Terry Piggs have been buskers in the center of town they call the Diamond for over 50 years. Their charm and beautifully close harmonies have entertained tens of people who walk through...

(LAUGHTER)

PELL: ...the wee loveliness that is Lower Crumsfield. An extra draw this month is their special costume. Richard and Terry have a passion for the Olympics. And they bemoan that they've never had the chance to really wow some folk in a synchronized diving event.

Instead, they have designed a colorful pair of Olympic ring inspired five-leg holed briefs and wear them when they perform. This month, hundreds of visitors from as far as the upper girds have come to hear these talented brothers sing, and mostly to see their curious and complicated underpants.

(LAUGHTER)

PELL: One visitor, however, was an IOC investigator who slapped them with a huge fine and attempted to confiscate the briefs on the spot. The townspeople jumped in, creating a human chain around the Diamond and eventually, the IOC rep became tired and lumbered off.

Terry Piggs is thrilled. He is glad to report that these days their hat is overflowing with money and has inspired them to design other themed pairs beyond the Olympics. He can't wait for Halloween, where they'll be wearing cod pieces that look like bats. When asked what the middle leg hole is for in their Olympic unders, Richard Piggs, who's referred by his mom as the funny one, replied "Well, sir, that's where we hang our medals."

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, this is what we've heard. From Adam Felber, unauthorized talking dolls, made to resemble all the winning athletes. From Charlie Pierce: steroid beer with all the banned substances that you can't have in your system if you're an Olympic athlete. Or from Paula Pell, special five-leg hole underwear in the shape of the Olympic rings for a pair of conjoined twins in the Cotswold. Which of these is the real story of an unauthorized Olympic souvenir?

ARPAGAUS: The first story with the dolls.

SAGAL: The first story with the dolls. Is that the one you're choosing? That would be Adam's story of the talking dolls.

ARPAGAUS: Yes.

SAGAL: Would you like one?

ARPAGAUS: No.

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: OK. You're going to pick Adam's story. Well, we spoke to the person who was purveying this important thing.

ALEX MEYERS: Never Mind the Anabolics is a beer that's being produced as a bit of a reaction to marketing and advertising of the Olympics.

SAGAL: That was Alex Meyers. He's a spokesperson for Brew Dog in Scotland, the company that makes the steroidal beer. I am so sorry, but in fact it was Charlie who had the real story. However, you've won a point for Adam and I think inspired someone out there to make a very cruel talking doll which is always good.

(LAUGHTER)

ARPAGAUS: Thanks very much.

SAGAL: Thank you, Jeanette. Bye-bye.

ARPAGAUS: Bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.